Confessions of a Control Freak: Learning to Let Go

Confession:  I'm a bit of a control freak.  I'm sure this isn't coming as a surprise to some of you.  I like to know that nothing has been overlooked.  That things are getting done the best way possible (my way, of course).  That things are under control.

There are so many questions we want answers to in life.  Will I ever get married?  How many kids should we have?  Where will the money come from?  Are things really going to be okay?  Why are things the way they are?  My husband and I are currently dealing with a couple of these questions--particularly about money.  I've been able to stay-at-home with the kids and it has been a blessing.  We've never had a ton of money, but we've survived. The cost of living in Virginia is higher than we're used to, for sure, but the cost of living is rapidly increasing everywhere.  We're doing everything we can to keep living at our normal standard of living, but the money's not there.  And it drives me crazy.  And every time it feels like we're finally getting ahead or that our emergency fund is finally funded, we have an emergency that exceeds our emergency funds.  Every time.

When I step back and take a look at the big picture, though, I see that it's not really all that bad.  Our basic needs are met.  That's all that we really need right now.  There have been times in the past where we've gone through a rough financial patch, but God has always provided.  He hasn't always provided what we thought we needed when we thought we needed it, but His plan is always better than ours.  His timing is always better than ours.

Aren't two sparrows sold for only a penny? 

But your Father knows when any one of them falls to the ground. 

 Even the hairs on your head are counted. So don't be afraid!

 You are worth much more than many sparrows. 

Matthew 10:29-31 

God knows our needs, there's nothing to worry about.  When we trust Him and let Him take over as "control freak" in our lives, things are so much better.  

We're praying for God's guidance as I look for a way to supplement our income.  He's already clearly steered me away from two options, and I know that He knew exactly why those wouldn't be the right choice for our family.  Ultimately, He knows that I want to stay home to care for our kids, and I believe He is going to work that out.  

Regardless of what situation you're struggling with, God knows and God will provide the answer, if you'll just wait for Him.  Sometimes, we just have to sit around and wait for it, and for a control freak like me, the sitting around while I could be up "fixing" the problem is incredibly difficult and scary.  But the Lord has proven time and time again that He is with his people.  I can come up with plenty of examples in my own life that show that.  Reading through the Old Testament shows that. The Old Testament is almost like a resume of God's work as our Defender, Provider, Comforter, etc.  

I've commanded you to be strong and brave. 

Don't ever be afraid or discouraged! 

I am the Lord your God, and I will be there to help you wherever you go. 

Joshua 1:9

So, I'm a control freak.  But I'm learning to let go. This particularly testing time is just reminding me that it's not all about me.  God's got it under control.  

Happy Friday! (And thanks Mom for your inspiring scripture references on Facebook!)

Twins?

I have an irrational fear of having multiples. My sister has twin, three year old girls and they're awesome. Having multiples wouldn't be so bad. However, my sister didn't find out she was having twins until she was nearing her third trimester. Talk about a shock! When I was pregnant with our first child, I had nightmares on a regular basis that we were having three or four babies at once. Needless to say, the first ultrasound was very comforting to me. Too bad I had to wait until 13 weeks to get there! I did ask the doctor if he was sure there was only one. He just laughed. Even now I feel like there's a possibility that I'm carrying twins. My pregnancy tests were positive earlier than usual. My symptoms seem to be more severe and much earlier than before. I have a very active imagination. I know that my blood levels will be different if it's twins, but not having an ultrasound until around 18 weeks seems like forever.

I think I'm more paranoid of something going wrong this time around. I'm afraid to pick up my daughter. Every little feeling I have makes me think that something might be wrong. I thought this was supposed to be easier the second time around?! I'll feel better once I get to go to the doctor, I'm sure, but that's still 22 days away. Until then, I'm praying for sanity and for a healthy baby and pregnancy. Well, even after that I'll be praying those things, I suppose.

How am I feeling? I'm suddenly exhausted. It came out of nowhere yesterday. I've had a few waves of nausea and I'm definitely feeling some abdominal aches. I'm not really sure I'd call them cramps, but it feels weird and achy. I had zero symptoms with Baby #1, so I feel like this is a whole different ball game. Hopefully, they'll pass quickly and I can stop worrying about everything!!

Next blog? The mistake of NOT getting the flu shot when you're pregnant. It's a big one!